That One Squirrel You Always See IS Evil

It’s true, that one squirrel with the weird tail is evil. Just as you had expected.

Not only is this squirrel the leader of an underground circle of conspiring squirrels bent on tearing you apart limb by limb, but he’s doing it from your fence.

Last Monday, on your way to work, when you felt like every squirrel on your street was looking at you? They were.

Last Saturday when you saw a dead squirrel and thought it must have been placed in front of you as a warning? It was.

And on Friday, when you saw a squirrel digging in the dirt and thought it was digging you an early grave? Well, that time it was just burying a nut. That’s what they do. But still, very creepy.

So it’s true. You were right all along. It isn’t a ridiculous fear or strange conspiracy. But you can’t just tell anyone. Your friends already think you’re weird. But you need to protect yourself someway.

They are after your limbs. Legs, arms, fingers, toes, all of them. They will take them, put them in their hungry little cheeks, climb up the oak tree in front your house and let them hang down from the trees, making a complete mockery of your humble home and your favourite limbs! And still no one will believe you!

And THAT, is why everyone everywhere should have easy access to guns, no screening, no questions asked.

Love,

The NRA