Casper the Nice Guy Ghost
The following thing contains swears and bad words that may not be suitable for all audiences! Also it is to be read in your highest pitch ghost boy voice.
Boo haha! Hey, It’s me Casper, the friendly ghost. Sorry if I scared you, that was not my intention! I totally understand why you’d be scared though. You should be; all the creeps around here! But don’t worry, I’m a nice ghost, a friendly ghost - you can trust me!
What?? No! I haven’t been following you!
I mean technically yes I have been but not so much following as just watching - watching out for! I’ve just been watching out for you!
Wait, don’t go! I wanted to warn you!! I’ve been seeing a lot of spirits around your house, almost nightly. Especially this one old guy! These ghosts - you have to listen to me - these ghosts are just bad guys! You can’t trust them you know? They are not friendly! Not friendly AT ALL! They don’t respect you, you do know that right? You haven’t been seeing them have you? Oh wow. So you’re a slut? You have GOT to be kidding me!
I’ve been looking out for you! Sleeping on your doorstep, trying to keep you safe, and not once have you invited me in!
You know I’ve been a ghost - a friendly f*cking ghost - for 300 years and you know what? All of you sluts are the same - only interested in the bad ghosts - wanting to talk with demons, ghouls, and incubuses - it’s disgusting!!! YOU disgust me!
I’ve been so nice! So good! SO FRIENDLY! It’s always “excuse me, pardon me, good evening madam, blessed day to you and yours” and for f*cking what?!! So I can be rejected for all of eternity?!
No, I know I never asked you out - I didn’t have to - you would have never said yes! Because I’m just a sweet-as-pie cherub ghost boy, and who wants that?!
Do you know you never even asked me how I died? I’ll tell you. I laid down on a puddle for a girl once to help her cross the street, and I was ran over by a horse drawn carriage! And did she thank me? No! She ran off to get help with the 6 foot tall guy - of course - from the horse carriage. They ran off together and by the time they got back with help I WAS DEAD. And that was it! I died so her shoes wouldn’t get dirty? Girls and their DAMN SHOES!!!
But I’m OVER HER. I don’t need her! I’m practically a little angel! LOOK AT ME! I’m adorable! I’m the friendliest ghost around!!
Oh, I’m boring you, great. Go have fun in your slut house - sorry what? It was your grandpa? That old ghost man that’s been by every night was just your grandpa? Oh! Haha oh my gosh. I’m so silly. Phew! In that case... maybe I can come in tonight? No?
YOU F*CKING BITCH!